The Gifts I received this Christmas.
I started this blog recently because I have had a pretty rough year. Actually a pretty rough few years. Divorce, Losing pretty much everything I owned. Getting engaged, being betrayed and not getting married. Moving states to start a new job, the frustration and pain with that job. Trying to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong.
Even with all of that. I have learned so much and have gained so much wisdom this year. I have grown closer to God and as a result have become more wise and a better man for it.
I can hear you saying Whoa! back up!! I thought this was going to be a happy post about the latest and greatest toy you got for Christmas, or something joyous. Well it is. This will end well.
I have seen so much pain and difficult times these last few years. I have even wanted to throw in the towel. A few times...... What does that mean? Just quit, quit it all and give up. Give in to the world. Live for me. Make myself happy. By myself. Alone. Sounds great right? No it isnt. it is..... well..... Lonely. We are not meant to be in the world alone, or to go through life with out someone. But we face times in all of our lifes when we are alone, at least with out the comfort of anyone here on this planet.
After my breakup from my fiance. I have spent a lot of time alone. Really alone. in this new, big house I bought, no friends. Nothing. Just me and my dog. I went days with out talking to antoher person. Even at work, during this time of year a lot of the guys are off with their familys. I'd come home from work and just sit here. Or on the weekend just sit here. Think about how to make this pain and loneliness go away even for a few minute. But I resisted. Sometimes better then others.
Last year for Christmas I spent it alone. I went to church on Christmas eve, then went home. I was alone for Christmas day. Very alone. This year I thought it would be the same. BUT God has placed this amazing family in my life this year. They invited me into their home on Chirstmas eve after church for a meal and to spend some time with the family. It was great. There was some emotional sharing and lots of laughter and love flowing.
On Christmas Day I was again offered a spot at a table with another family from church. Again a great time.
So what does all this have to do with what I got for Christmas? EVERYTHING!!
God, saw a need, read that again, a NEED not a WANT but something I was lacking something I needed. And provided it to me. Not once but TWICE!!
The funny thing about God, is that he is constantly giving us gifts, we just dont always see them or reconize the giver. Of course we know that he gave us his only son That is a HUGE gift, But he gave us so much more then that. His son DIED for my sins all that crap I do each day that makes me less of worthy of spending any time, let alone eternity in heaven! He has given us GRACE. Yeah I know we hear that all the time but what does it really mean: Here are some definitions from my ipad dictionary app:
(Christian theology) a state of sanctification by God; the state of one who is under such divine influence
"the conception of grace developed alongside the conception of sin""it was debated whether saving grace could be obtained outside the membership of the church"
(Christian theology) the free and unmerited favor or beneficence of God
"God's grace is manifested in the salvation of sinners"
"there but for the grace of God go I"
"God's grace is manifested in the salvation of sinners"
"there but for the grace of God go I"
a disposition to kindness and compassion
"the victor's grace in treating the vanquished"
"the victor's grace in treating the vanquished"
Three definitions but they all have something in common. Something we dont really deserve. something given above and beyond.
Look at the words: Sanctification, Divine influence, free, Unmerited favor, Kindness, and Compassion.
Do I deserve any of those? No I dont. But God said he will pay the price of admision into heaven for me.
We will talk more about this in later posts. I have been blown away by Gods grace and that is why, or at least one of the reasons I started this blog, I am doing for me. But if someone is reading this thank you.
There is more (Yeah I know this is a long read, sorry)
The Lord has given me power, No not like a super hero... well..... No never mind.
He has given me stregth, of mind, of heart. of will. With out these things we will fall and tumble into the depths.
I also unwrapped the free gift of wisdom. He showed me things about myself and about those around me.
And waiting. Yes the gift of waiting, waiting on HIM. This gives me trust and hope in him as well, and this grows my faith.
I know he will guide my paths, and lead me in the direction of his will. I know he wants only good things of me and that I am to be successful. It is not an easy road but the end will be well worth it.
These are the greatest gifts I could of recieved this year. (Or any year) They have helped make me a better person, I am not there just yet but I am working on it. They have strengthend me and renewed my faith.
Its kind of funny how when we are down we can get so renewed isnt it? Dont get me wrong my life is not all roses here. I am hurting and still in some pain. But I know there is light at the end of this tunnel and that what I gain from this season of suffering will make me grow and I will be better for it.
God Bless you,
CJ.
